Entry date: 2-27-2024 – Death, What Can I Do? – Letters to My Friends

Dear Friends,

In the two years and almost two months I have been writing this blog, I have avoided talking about my exes. The main reason for this is that I don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable. Exes are exes for a reason, but they also helped me become who I am. I’m very thankful to all of them for this and for helping me realize that my person, Rhondi, is my person.

All the stuff that happened in the past is exactly that. My present and my future is my wife and family and I have not wanted to diminish that in any way or write something that may hurt someone I once felt romantic love for by writing something that they didn’t agree with or remembered differently.

I realize, though, after hearing some pretty terrible news, that maybe I need to re-think this. These experiences are part of my story. If I need to share them, I should.

My first long-term girlfriend, Beth, died last week. Her sister, Kathy, who has a special place in my heart for many small favors in the 80s like driving me to concerts and kind of having my side when Beth made some questionable decisions, messaged me yesterday after years of not speaking to each other. It was a shock, to say the least.

Beth had a son and lots of family and friends that loved her. I want them all to find some peace in all of this. Per Kathy, she died in her sleep and had very clear thoughts about what was to come next. My heart goes out to her family, especially her son who was her shining light, and her dog, too, who I know she loved.

We went to Deer Valley High school together in 1984 and 1985. She was one of the “cool” kids when I was still figuring out who I was. Beth was a cheerleader, but she was also part of the punk rock scene at our school, and she sort of straddled both worlds. I have to give her credit for introducing me to a lot of music, most notably, The Cramps. They were her favorite when we “officially” met in the summer of 1985, and I quickly borrowed all of her Cramps records.

I was living with my mom for the summer of 1985, working at Taco Bell as I chronicled here in 2022, so we saw each other very occasionally during that summer. To be honest, I don’t really remember a whole lot about those early days of our dating relationship which is odd for me. In hindsight, our relationship was one that had a few good weeks here and there, but lasted for over a year. and a half.

When I moved back in with my dad and got ready to start my junior year, I had the (also well chronicled) concussion that took my sense of smell the day before school started. The two weeks I had to stay home from school allowed for Beth to become interested in another boy, Donnie, who she often said (and right in front of him), “Doesn’t he look just like a little Tom?”

This should have been a huge red flag, but we ended up getting back together. I only lasted about three months living with my dad in 1985 before moving in with my mom permanently, so we had a couple of months of dating again after getting back together where we went to the same school.

I remember that Kathy, and Beth’s mom, Karen, were always very kind to me and supportive of our "long distance" relationship. She is also survived by a younger brother, Bret, who was fun to talk to, as well, back in those days. I didn't have a younger brother yet, so it was kind of fun to treat him as such. The Collins family, including her father, Wayne, who preceded Beth in death (and sadly, I’m not sure if Karen is still with us), invited me to many family outings and even a trip to San Diego at one point.

One time, I was over for a visit, and I was sitting in Beth’s room (at a respectful distance, of course) and he walked past her open bedroom door and kind of did a double take. My hair was mostly pink at the time, and I think it took him a second to process it. He walked back and gave me a very stern look and said, “I just want you to know, I don’t like it and I don’t appreciate it.” Then he walked off.

We had a very good laugh over that. When I later got a job at Sears, Wayne was happy to take advantage of my employee discount for hardware. I was just happy to be in his good graces.

Beth and I broke up a lot and got back together a lot for much of my junior and the beginning of my senior year of high school. It was kind of our thing, I guess. Being 16 or 17 and thinking you're in love is a heady thing. I know she loved me in her way, probably as much as people our age could in those days, but Beth always wanted to see what was out there. I guess I did, too.

We went to a lot of great shows together, though, and really did have a lot of fun. We managed to start a tenuous friendship during the latter half of my senior year after we finally broke up for good. I use the word tenuous because when I would get a new girlfriend, she would often figure out a way to throw some sort of monkey wrench into it or just happen to show up places unexpectedly. At the time, I didn't realize that I could have stood up for myself a bit more.

At some point in either 1987 or 1988, she was in a terrible car accident on a trip to San Diego (I think) with her boyfriend, Randy. I had gotten to know Randy a little bit because, well, it was okay for Beth to have someone new in her life, but it wasn’t so okay for me. I guess I should be flattered. The accident changed the course of Beth’s life considerably and, according to what I learned yesterday, ended it prematurely as well.

As a dutiful friend, I did my best to be there for her in those days. It was a bit overwhelming, at times, because the accident not only changed the way she looked physically, but it also altered her personality quite a bit, too. Head injuries are scary. I know on many levels from my own experience, but what I experienced was nothing compared to what Beth experienced. She expressed her frustration with this many times to me in those days and it was heartbreaking.

Eventually, we stopped talking and went our separate ways for a number of years. Decades, actually. Around the time I met Rhondi, though, we reconnected, and it was fun to have her in my life for a while. I got to meet her husband, at the time, and her young son.  I thought we could finally be the type of friends that we tried to be when we were younger, but it wasn’t the case. I couldn’t be the type of friend Beth wanted as her marriage was ending and I was rapidly falling in love with Rhondi.

Sadly, it eventually became clear that she could not be part of my life, so we stopped speaking. I hope she is at peace now. Truly. There was a lot of good in her. I will always fondly remember seeing bands like RKL, PIL, Social Distortion, Descendents, Harvest, Siouxsie and the Banshees, and Love and Rockets with her. I am very thankful for the musical doors she opened to me.

Two friends of mine from Camelback nicknamed her “The Breath Mint” in 1986 and I always thought that was kind of mean, but in a way, it was a compliment. She was, after all, a cheerleader and had a certain level of energy and zest for life in those days. It made her mad when she found out, but she did sort of take it in stride, too. She knew that she had something they would never have.

It does seem strange that I will never see or talk to her again. Rhondi and I often wondered if we would see her at a show or something. She was a good friend in that she supported my bands and such for a number of years. Unfortunately, we never knew which version of her we would see. I can’t imagine, though, how hard it must have been for her to handle the myriad of health and emotional issues after suffering such a traumatic injury. I hope she knows that there was nothing but forgiveness, empathy, and fondness in my heart for her.

*****

The title of the blog is not meant to be funny, by the way. It was meant in tribute. We used to laugh about the KISS song, “Beth,” back in the day and some people in our little high school scene even called her “Beth Deth.”

*****

Bathroom update: No demolition yesterday. Dudes didn’t show. Damn it.

Good news is I get to have one more shower in my old shower.

*****

It’s kind of fitting that I wrote about the album below on this day…

*****

The early 90s were a really important time for the development of my musical tastes. I was open to just about anything that had a cool sound, groove, or beat. My friend, KJ, insisted that I add some Alex Chilton to my collection, and she was not wrong.

“Tee Ni Nee Ni Noo/Tip On In” may be one of the truly perfect songs. It has a great groove and is just completely infectious. I love playing it when I DJ. People can’t help but be in a good mood when this song is playing. I defy anyone to truly listen to it and honestly say they don’t like it.

If you’re not familiar with it, put it on right now. It’s on all the streaming services and YouTube. Go.

See what I mean? If you didn’t actually put it on, shame on you. I’m sure you will eventually and then you’ll say, “He was right.” I’m very confident. If you buy a copy of Alex Chilton’s excellent EP, Feudalist Tarts, and you don’t like it, I will give you $15 for it any time. That’s kind of the going rate.

Feudalist Tarts is not the first thing I bought from Chilton. I got one of his Rhino Records collections on CD and just fell in love, but I had to have “Tee Ni Nee Ni Noo/Tip On In” on vinyl and Feudalist Tarts is the easiest ways to get it. While I was hoping there would be more of my favorites from the compilation, I quickly fell in love with the funky, bluesy, New Orleans’ style rock and roll on this record.

“Tee Ni Nee Ni Noo/Tip On In” is definitely my favorite song on it, but as far as a cool record to just groove your way through each short side, Feudalist Tarts is where it’s at. There is only six songs and Chilton is accompanied by a totally rad group of dudes including a rad rhythm section from Louisiana, drummer Doug Garrison and bassist René Corman.

The horns on Feudalist Tarts are also pretty damn fun with Nokie Taylor on cornet and Fred Ford on baritone sax. They both add a ton of flavor to this six pack and the record would not be nearly as kickass without them.

There is a certain sweetness to the often-moody Chilton on this record. His voice is mixed really well and comes off as upbeat even though many of the tracks are blues riffs. That’s one of the things I like about his recordings. Chilton always sounds good. On Feudalist Tarts, Chilton is right out front, especially on “Thank You John” which is pretty damn hilarious if you listen to him rip this dude, ‘John,’ throughout the song.

Chilton was also a pretty underrated guitar player. He’s got the bluesy-indie rock thing down. Talk about somebody who has not gotten the credit he deserves, although I know a lot of people dig the Big Star stuff. I could be in the minority here, but I like Chilton’s solo stuff way better.

When he played at After the Gold Rush in the early 90s, my pal Dorothy and I went to see him and I was hoping to see some of the Feudalist Tarts tracks, but it was just him and an acoustic guitar that night. It was still great, though, and it was cool to see him up close. There was hardly anyone there.

People are dumb sometimes.

On Feudalist Tarts, I like “B-A-B-Y” a lot, as well as “Thank You, John,” and “Lost My Job.” None of the tracks after “Tee Ni Nee Ni Noo/Tip On In” stand up to opener, but it’s a pleasant way to spend about 25 minutes. If you listen to the extended version available on the streamers, there are some nifty bonus tracks.

“No Sex” is Chilton’s AIDS awareness song. It’s done without any sweetness, but a keen sense of humor. It’s a groovy song and full of funny lines. “Magnetic Fields” is a rocker with a 60s greaser tinge. It’s got an early rock and roll sax line that is super catchy.

“Rubber Room” is the penultimate track on the extended version. It has a Hallowed Ground (Violent Femmes) kind of vibe with a little Cramps-y vocals. Chilton produced some of the early Cramps stuff. I think it was Songs The Lord Taught Us and I remember hearing that they were not super pleased with him when I listened to the No Dogs In Space podcast (which is pretty darn cool).

As I think of it, The Cramps would have done a bad ass version of “Rubber Room.” Maybe their work with him soured on doing any of this catalog beyond “Like a Bad Girl Should.” We’ll never know.

The last song on the extended mix is “Wild Kingdom.” It’s a funky, down tempo song with some excellent bass work, again by Corman. It’s really the best part of the song.

There is a lot to wade through in the Chilton archives, but Feudalist Tarts is one of the records I love a lot. Give it a spin.

*****

See you tomorrow.

 She loved killer whales. I remember seeing her room for the first time there were several inflatable killer whales hanging from the ceiling. There were also multiple posters of Nick Rhodes of Duran Duran. I hope she gets to ride a killer whale now.